How to Know if You Are Ready to Have Sex

Three Parts:Evaluating the SituationTalking About SexEnjoying Your First TimeCommunity Q&A

Sex can be a wonderful thing, if you are ready to become sexually active. If you are not ready, then it can have some severe consequences including emotional problems, sexually transmitted infections, and even unintended pregnancy. There are several ways that you can determine if you are ready to start having sex. If you decide that you are ready for sex, you will need to discuss concerns and expectations with your partner and make a plan for protecting yourselves. Doing these things will help to ensure that your first time will be safe and enjoyable.

Part1

Evaluating the Situation

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   Know that everyone is different. Making the decision to become sexually active is a big one and you have to consider your unique situation. There is no “right” time to become sexually active. It is just something that you have to think about and do your best to make the right decision for you.[1]
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   Examine your personal beliefs. Before you decide if you are ready to have sex or not, it is important to think about your personal values and beliefs. Your values and beliefs help define you, so you should think about how a decision to start having sex would impact your values and beliefs. Try to identify the personal beliefs and values that you have in order to determine how you might be affected by becoming sexually active.[2]
   

   • For example, if part of your belief system is that sex should be saved for marriage, how would having premarital sex affect you? Or, if you always thought your first time would be with someone you love, how would having casual sex with someone you just like affect you?
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   Identify your questions about sex, STIs, and pregnancy. To reduce your chances of contracting an STI or getting pregnant as a result of your sexual activity, it is important to think about what questions you have regarding safe sex. Identifying your questions will help you to figure out what you need to learn more about.[3]
   

   • Try talking to a trustworthy older friend or adult about your questions. If you are not comfortable asking someone your questions about sex, then you can always search the internet for answers as well.
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   Ask yourself how well you know and trust your partner. Sex is an intimate act, so it is important to make sure that the person you have sex with is someone that you trust and know well. If you do not know and trust your partner, then you may not want to engage in sex with this person. Some questions you can ask yourself include:[4]
   

   • Do you trust your partner? You should feel confident that your partner is a basically good person who wouldn't do anything to hurt or humiliate you. This can be hard to gauge, but here's a metric to try: If you wouldn't trust him or her with any of your private thoughts or secrets, then you probably shouldn't be sleeping together.
   • Is your relationship mature enough to include sex? If the majority of your interactions with your partner focus on superficial things, then incorporating sex might be a bad idea. If, on the other hand, you feel like you and your partner help each other grow and improve as people, then you might consider moving on to having sex.
   • Can you discuss sex with your partner? Think about whether or not you'll be able to talk about things such as contraception, STIs, basic anatomy and other sex-related topics with your partner. If you can't comfortably have this discussion with him or her before you have sex, then reconsider whether it’s the right choice.
   • Would you be violating your partner's beliefs? In addition to considering your beliefs and values, think about what your partner believes as well. If he or she might be subject to shunning or punishment for having sex with you, it might be best to hold off.
   • Will you be embarrassed later about sleeping with this person? This might sound silly, but try to think ahead a few years. If you were no longer dating this person, would you be embarrassed to describe him or her to your future partner? If the answer is "yes" or "maybe," consider holding out for something better.
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   Determine if it is legal for you to give consent. The age of consent varies in some states, so you may want to make sure that you can legally have sex before you make your decision. Keep in mind that even if you consent, if you are not within the age of consent, then your partner could get into trouble. If your partner is not within the age of consent, then you could get into trouble.[5]
   

   • For example, in some states it may be illegal for a 16 year old to have sex with an 18 year old.
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   Consider the things your partner has said to you. If you are considering sex because of things that your partner has said to you, then you may want to evaluate some of their statements. Some people may try to pressure you into sex by saying misleading or convincing things. Common things that people say to convince their partners to have sex include:[6]
   

   • “If you really loved me, you’d have sex with me.”
   • “Everyone is having sex but us.”
   • “I’ll be really gentle and you’ll love it.”
   • “You’re going to have to do it sometime. Why not now?”
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   Think about what your peers have said. Peers can also be influential in a person’s decision to become sexually active. But deciding to have sex because of things your peers have said is not a good idea. Consider the things that your peers have said that may be influencing your decision. Some common things that peers say about sex include:[7]
   

   • “You’re a virgin?!”
   • “I have been sexually active since I was 12.”
   • “You wouldn’t understand because you’ve never had sex.”
   • “Sex is the best thing ever. You are really missing out.”

Part2

Talking About Sex

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   Talk to your partner. Once you have taken time to consider your feelings and evaluate your influences, you may still be considering having sex. If you decide that you are ready and do not feel that your partner or friends are pressuring you, talk to your partner about how you feel.[8]
   

   • Try saying something like, “I think I might be ready to start having sex. How do you feel about that?”
   • Keep in mind that even if you feel ready, your partner might not feel the same way. If your partner says he/she is not ready, be respectful of his/her choice.

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