Difference between love and lust
Love and lust: what’s the difference?
The
ancient Greeks had several words for different kinds of love. But we
divide love into three basic brain systems: lust (the sex drive),
romantic love and feelings of deep attachment. These three brain systems
are often deeply entwined. But not always. You can have sex with
someone you don’t love; you can be madly in love with someone you will
never bed; and you can feel a deep sense of attachment to someone for
whom you feel neither lust nor romantic passion.
In short, each of these basic mating drives is associated with a different primary brain and chemical system.
Lust,
what an Italian proverb calls “the oldest lion of them all,” has long
been associated with the testosterone system in both men and women.
Instead, romantic love is orchestrated, foremost, by the dopamine system
in the brain. And feelings of deep attachment are now linked with the
neurochemical systems, oxytocin and vasopressin.
And
interestingly, most peoples around the world easily distinguish between
romantic love and lust. On the Polynesian island of Mangaia, “real
love” is called inangaro kino, a state of romantic passion distinct from sexual desire. The Taita of Kenya call lust ashiki, while they refer to romantic love as pendo. And in Caruaru, a town in northeast Brazil, locals say, “Amor is
when you feel a desire to always be with her; you breathe her, eat her,
drink her; you are always thinking of her; you don’t manage to live
without her.” Paixao, on the other hand, is “horniness.”
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